The town's folk would come from far and near to watch him break it down
He'd strut about the stage with his trusty lute in hand
spinning tales of gold and dragons from up there on the stand
But one day the minstrel stood there with a mean look in his eye
Today of all days it seemed the bard had grown quite shy
For he had yet begun to speak and the crowd began to murmur
They all gasped when he dropped his lute and began to rhyme with fervor
"You you've heard it all before
all my knights and castle lore
what you haven't heard is me
and I'm the greatest MC
my rhymes can stomp cities, they're as strong as typhoons
they should call me Hirohito cause I'm droppin spy balloons
beats smooth as black ice, beats deep as Bara'dum
hater call me loud mouth
I hit em with my round house
My diction causes friction written in your girl's fan fiction
listenin to this rap is like a holy benediction
my lyrics are like the Odyssey
they're filled with ancient prophecy
my rhymes are always lyrical
and my metaphors empirical
as the function of my beats
approaches the x of your imagination
the limit of the graph is mental masturbation
but step the fuck back cause I'm not into you
and the result of groping me is straight defenestration
but don't be sad its common to be blue
the feels you're feelin are from my confabulation
I'm you're savior, I'm the minstrel, the mad mad mastermind
fuckin with me is like fuckin with the ends of time
I'm faster than a Delorian
He's eighty eight, I'm more than him
my gauge is toppin nine thousand
his mph: Victorian
you're looking for the master? I've got some drums to show you.
you're looking for a banker? I've got more gold than Sutton Hoo
more seasons than a time lord
more bitches than a crime lord
donkey's love my provender I'm the king of stuffed asses
I'd ask for a rebuttal but you're slower than molasses
Oh you made a near rhyme? Fan-fucking-tastic
I'd get you a sticker but I'm too busy for your bad shtick
I don't need your mad props
just stay off my bad side
cause if you cross me
your skull's my new door stop
you got yourself a scouter? let's check my power level
it explodes on your face, you know I'm badder than the devil
cause Lucifer's my home boy
we're marketing a new toy
I'm makin me a monster I'm callin it a mecha
not sure about the suffix but its just something extra
I've got missile's in my fingers and lasers on my tongue
If you wanna fight me you aren't living past "young"
I'm the Pokemon master you're just playin for shits
I've got myself a zapdos, already callin it quits
I'm Luke fucking Skywalker and you're just battle droid
You're forever alone like that slug in the asteroid
You want another beating you better wait for the sequel
What I'm really trying to say is
I'm Strikes Back and you're just the prequels.
"
And with a final profane exclamation the bard left the stage
But what he left was great awe that soon turned into rage
Children were crying, lighter hearts were in fits
It was high time the pesky bard called it quits
the mayor's wife pulled his coat,she felt a kick in her belly
other women said the same and the mayor started yelling
They'd chase the bard out or he'd pay for his crimes
that rabble-rouser would never sing again let alone rhyme
they came to his cottage with torches and pitchforks
his house was empty what was missing was his horse
no one knows what became of that minstrel to this day
but the town's folk he scared forgot about making him pay
and to the end of days I'm sure he kept rapping
cause there would always be haters who needed some slapping
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