Dear EvilKid55755
I am honestly surprised at the speed and vastly improved diction of your reply. I would be happy to give you a few pointers on, as my adviser in the Himalayan Institute of Higher Villainous Studies called, your new "evil career of evil." But before I begin I must caution you once more. The career of a super villain may be long and dastardly but it is filled with danger, betrayal, death-betrayal and death. If you have any qualms about the direct object of the last sentence I would advise you to simply step outside, remove your shirt and I will begin charging the laser.
Consider it carefully.
Now that that's over with let's get on our way to making you a true villain.
- Think of a super villain name. This may seem like a very simple step up it is one of the most important parts of forming your new evil identity. Because frankly, EvilKid55755 wouldn't strike fear into a dog's heart even if you were looming over it with a rolled up newspaper. I also highly discourage using an internet name generator though that is how Aphotic Vile (and I believe Ru Paul) found their names it is coincidence only. And Aphotic has convinced me time and time again that he is both aphotic and vile. But that is a story for another time. Your super villain name must be both terrifying and say something about you. It must instill fear in children and small animals while also making the UN take you seriously. It is one of the most difficult steps in becoming a super villain. Starting with a theme in mind can be beneficial or building your theme around your name can be just as effective. I leave it up to you.
- Get a costume. This step, like the name, can be decided after picking your theme. But I include the costume before to emphasis the importance of distinguishing yourself from the common terrorist. For example, you could be a bomb themed super villain, blowing up subway stations and planes and buildings but without a costume there would be nothing to separate you from those insane religious groups who do the same thing. The costume shows a commitment to the life style that the name never can. Take Bane from that god awful Batman movie. (No there are no theaters on the moon. I pirated that shit cause I'm evil) He was simply a terrorist but the joker from the previous movie, far more terrorist behavior but the commitment to the costume is what made him a true evil mastermind.
- Pick a theme. Again the theme can be complementary or integral. The Mastodon's polar theme is the guiding factor behind his name, costume, lair and henchmen. But picking a theme also requires a lot of consideration. Picking a bad theme can be the end of a super villain the same way a bad name can. If your theme is butterflies its quite likely you'll be laughed out of a few ransom discussions. A few of my favorite themes are: science, nationalities, skulls, darkness, the ocean, animals, industry, poison, politics or skulls.
- Get a lair. This is usually done once the villain has pulled their first major heist and raked in some of that fine green dough so lacking in novice villains. But a lair doesn't have to be a secret underground skull bunker or a skull island in the middle of the Carribean. My first lair was an old store room in the basement of my college chemistry building. Its taken me quite a few successful heists to get where I am now but having a lair, of any kind, free from meddling mothers, significant others or drunken room mates is a must.
- Get some henchmen. If you are still in the "basement" stage of your lair you may want to consider holding off on the henchmen. They must be loyal to the core of their being and must be totally subservient to you in theme. If one decides he's going to become The Evil Lab Assistant you may have a full scale mutiny on your hands. But once you've become fully established as a super villain henchmen are nearly indispensable (but don't let them hear you say that.)
- Tell the world. This can be the step that makes or breaks many villains. But without this step a villain operating out of the basement of a chemistry building in rural Washington will always remain a villain operating out of the basement of a chemistry building in rural Washington. You need to pull a major heist once you feel you're ready enough. A heist so grand that the world has to turn and go "Ah!" or gasp or maybe choke. The world has to make some uncomfortable noise about the evil thing you've done. This evil thing also must establish your national identity. For example if you were a skull themed villain and you began your villainous career by making an endangered species gun that would send a very mixed message to the world. Alternately if you identify yourself as a science villain and your first truly evil act is to dissolve an entire university into a pile of gelatinous acidic waste that would be a solid (lol) step in the right direction.
- Pick an arch nemesis. This does not have to be a mutual arch rivalry. Simply focus on one figure, super or otherwise, to completely destroy although not someone from the villaining community. We look out for our own despite what many believe. I recommend Mr. Splendiforous. Speaking from personal experience, he's a dick bag.
But if you follow these simple steps you're a head above the rest of the sheeple in becoming a truly villainous villain. You're about to embark on a life of danger, adventure, money, women and occasional victory. I look forward to hearing from you again and look forward to seeing you on national TV, in failure or triumph, very soon.
Yours Evilly
Dr. Malevolent
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