TRUE TRUTH HISTORY: THE POPE AND TECHNOLOGY

As all of you might or might not have heard the Pope of Catholicism, Pop Benedict Numero Sixteen (as he's known to his friends) has opened a Twitter account. The world waits in eager anticipation to have their ears filled to bursting with 160 characters of Popely wisdom. Already Dicty has surpassed many other religious leaders in number of followers and he has yet to even make a post. The world waits in agony for the long process to be completed. First the Pope writes out a sermon in Classical Church Latin, from there he hands it down to his Cardinal of Translation who interprets the Latin to mean a number of different things. The Cardinal then hands down his translation to a number of Bishops who then each separately interpret the translation and pass it down to their various underlings. However at this stage in the process the Cardinal of Contention usually steps in. This man's job is to re translate the Pope's initial sermon into a totally different, prettier document that he then passes down to the same Bishops. These Bishops then move diagonally to the lay people of the church who condense these thousands of conflicting interpretations into their own 160 character "Personal Pope Grams" which are then returned to the Pope by doves. The Pope then selects one interpretation, declares it to be God's will and hands it to his great nephew to spice up and post on the internet.
This process has many roots in ancient traditions of Christianity, besides the internet bits, this practice has gone on for thousands of years. I personally just sent in my Pope Gram of King Jame's Leviticus Verse 11-18 this morning. I THINK ITS MOSTLY ABOUT ALIENS.
The addition of the internet to this timeless process deserves some speculation however. Throughout history the Church has always had an aversion to technology. We all remember in 1984 when Bill Gates, the inventor of the internet, made his Pilgirmage to the Vatican to receive the Pope's blessing. The Pope refused to see him and simply requested that Gates "purge his body of the vampiric taint of computers." The Cardinal of Exorcism then showed Gates to his hotel room where Gates found "only a magic circle carved into the carpet. There wasn't even a minibar." THERE WASN'T EVEN A MINIBAR. It is hypothesized that the Pope had given specific orders to exorcise the Demon of Progress from Mr. Gates. Although if the orders really came from his Magnificent Popeishness still remain a mystery. Needless to say Bill Gates was exocommunicated.
This attitude can be traced all the way back to the Vampire Wars of the late Renaissance. Where the Medici and Dracula waged a secret War against the Catholic Church demanding that the Pope begin accepting such true truth's as the printing press science and aliens. The Pope eventually capitulated but only once the vampire's had agreed to only wage outright wars in the style of Underworld one of the Pope's favorite vampire woodcuts.